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RelationshipsRelationships with your family, friends and other adults change as you and they grow older and as other things change in your life. However well you get on with your parents/carers, brothers/sisters there are bound to be times when you hit a rough patch. No matter how bad things sometimes get or feel, the key thing is to ‘keep talking’. Even though you might not always feel like discussing things, it’s important to talk things through, trying to take into account other people’s views or opinions and accepting that you might not always be right. Talking about your concerns helps to show people that you’re mature enough to seek their advice and may also give you the opportunity to provide reassurance that you’re ok. If you feel you can’t talk to the person/s personally, you could always chat things through with another member of your family who you get on with or one of your mates. Divorce or separationIf you’re parents split up or decide to get a divorce, you’re bound to be affected emotionally and practicality. Emotionally, the build up to a divorce or separation can be quite traumatic and stressful, particularly if your parents/carers argue a lot. On some level, you might feel that you’re somehow to blame for what’s happening, that if you’d been ‘better’ none of this would have happened. There’s also the prospect of one of your parents/carers leaving home and the question of which parent/carer you’ll live with and how will ‘access’ arrangements work? Talking through your concerns with someone, (ideally your parents/carers) might help reassure you. You could also get more advice and support from its not your fault a website which has been set up specifically to help young people whose parents are splitting up. BullyingBullying covers a whole range of activities including: name calling, being ignored, taking money by force, deliberately trying to get someone in trouble or embarrassing/humiliating them, physical violence or intimidation etc; and can happen at school, in the workplace or in your social/personal life. Being bullied can become like a living nightmare for the person affected for as well as the actual bullying behaviour and the after-effects, there’s also the anticipation and fear of if/when the bullying will happen again. If bullying continues, the person being bullied can begin to suffer from problems such as: a lack of self-confidence/self esteem, insecurity, isolation from others, depression and associated anxiety/panic attacks etc. Most schools/workplaces have anti-bullying policies but the key to dealing with bullies is to talk someone who will listen and offer you support – a teacher, your parents/carers, a friend, your supervisor or a colleague at work – and remember, no matter what the bully tells you, it’s not your fault. If you’d like to talk to someone in confidence, you can always ring the Anti Bullying Campaign: 0207 378 1446, Childline: 0800 1111 or check out the bully free zone website. AbuseAbuse, like bullying, can be in many forms; emotional, verbal, physical or sexual; all of which can have a dramatic impact on your current and future well being – for example, your ability to trust and form happy and healthy relationships, your self esteem/confidence. You may also suffer from problems such as depression, anxiety/panic attacks etc. Whatever form abuse takes, it’s not your fault and no matter who inflicted the abuse, there’s no excuse. It can often be very difficult to talk about abuse, particularly if the person responsible is a member of your family or a friend. The person responsible may have warned you not to say anything – telling you that people wouldn’t believe you or that it would just cause problems. If the abuse is happening at the moment, try to talk to someone you trust – a friend, a member of your family, your doctor etc. – anyone who can help stop the abuse and make sure that you’re safe and out of the abusive situation. With their support, and when you’re ready, you could begin to talk more fully about how you feel and possibly think about chatting to a counsellor.
If the abuse took place a while ago and you’ve tried to put it to the back of your mind or forget it, you may find it difficult to bring the subject up, even with someone you trust. If you feel ready to talk to someone, but can’t face discussing it with your family, partner or friends, you may like to talk to a counsellor or a trained specialist. For more information you might want to contact:
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